Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Milestones

Hello ladies!! I am realllllly sorry about my absence, but this time I'm not going to bother and make excuses about why I didn't post.
I think I'm just lazy.
And sitting down to write out a long post bothers me..... er.... my eating disorder. And most of the time I am in such a rush that I don't really give myself time to write responses to emails or anything. I just read them and then I'm off and before I know it a couple of days will have gone by and I will have completely forgotten about writing that person back.
Ughhhhhh.....I really need to work on this more.

ANYWAYS!
So I haven't forgotten about my promise to do a post on the conditioning topic. I have actually been thinking about it a lot and am working on putting it together. The more and more I think about it the more I realize just how many milestones I have conquered in recovery.

I am also writing (almost finished) a post about the history of my eating disorder because I think I am finally ready to share where I've been, what I've been through and how far I've come. Let me tell you I have come such a LOOOOONG way that there are days when I look back on past ED behaviors and can't help but be shocked that I used to live that way.


Here's an example of one of the milestones that I have conquered:

Yesterday when I was cleaning out my room I happened upon some nutrition bars (who will go unnamed because it might be triggering) that I had stashed away earlier in the year. On habit, I peeled back the label to read the nutritional information smugly thinking about how I would never dare to put such a thing in my mouth. But as my eyes scanned first the carbohydrate count, then the amount of sugar, then the ingredients list, then the fat grams, and finally the total number of calories, I didn't feel that familar surge of anxiety that I always get whenever I look at food. In fact, I actually felt okay with the bar sitting in my hands and the first thought that crossed my mind was, "Hey, I can eat this." Using one of my mental tools that I have acquired through recovery, I rationalized that the carbohydrate count would only count as 2 grains and that the sugars weren't really even that high. You know what else? The fat content didn't even bother me. Not one bit. And as I began to realize this, a slow smile spread across my face. Six months ago I would have been terrified of eating this exact bar even though it is a perfectly good thing to eat. But now I have no problem with eating it.
I AM SO AMAZED AT HOW FAR I'VE COME!!!

Never in a million years would I have thought that I could ever reach this stage.
God has blessed me immensely, and has carried me the whole way even when all others were certain that I wouldn't make it.
Countless times He has shown up in recovery, literally stunning me with His power.
He never ceases to amaze me.
No matter where this crazy ride is going to take me I am going to hold tight to Him the entire way, trusting in wherever He may lead me.
I would love to share with you some of the amazing things that He has done for me. They are really quite astounding. Please let me know if you'd like to hear about some of them!
I also had a chance to sample a new product yesterday!! A couple weeks ago a very sweet lady from Pom Wonderful sent me some free samples of their delicious 100% Pomegranate Juice!!
I was very excited about trying pomegranate for the first time but also very nervous because juice is one of my fear foods. But I wasn't going to back down so I decided that I would have to work up to it. Well after about a week of chilling in my fridge, I finally bit the bullet and poured myself a small glass.
And.....it was delicious!! The taste is very refreshing and tangy and reminds me a bit of tart cranberries but with a subtle hint of sweetness. Actually I think that it was kind of funny that I was scared to drink the juice. I don't know what I was thinking, that maybe it would suddenly lash out at me and bite me on the lip like some vicious snake? Haha.
It was really very delicious juice and I will definitely be drinking some again, possibly even this week. I'm still a bit scared of it though so I need to learn to combat this fear. Any suggestions?
Overall, I highly recommend that you all give pomegranate juice a try if you have never tasted it before. Plus, the nutritional and health benefits are O-MAY-ZING!
Thanks again Diana!
One more thing.
I just wanted to say that I have been praying for those of you who are struggling. I really hope that things get better for you and you are able to get back on your feet again stronger and fiercer in this battle.
Keep fighting girls!
Hope everyone has a good night!
Love and hugs!
EDITED TO ADD: The total adorable CCV or CCK is doing a really cool giveaway! Check out her blog here.

4 comments:

Stef April 8, 2009 at 1:07 AM  

I'm glad you're back! That's so great about the nutrition bars! It's the little things that show you how far you've come in recovery. And I'm glad your juice didn't bite, and that you really enjoyed it! Yum!

Katie April 8, 2009 at 1:48 AM  

Hehe, I could just picture that moment with the bars! I love discovering things I can eat again now, it always makes me feel happy and kind of 'take that, ED!'. It's weird how we feel/behave like it's the food that's a danger to us when really it's the eating disorder. I hope you find more moments like that to blog about :)

Kiki April 8, 2009 at 4:50 AM  

Take your time writing these next couple posts! No rush. Great job with the bar! You've made so much progress within these past few months and I'm confident that you'll keep moving forward. You've got so much of your life ahead of you, and I don't want it to be ruined by an ED. Enjoy your day, love!

ChocolateCoveredVegan April 10, 2009 at 6:20 AM  

Thanks so much for the shout-out :) :)

I put your name in the drawing again for it. Good luck, girlie!!