I'm going to be so sad when my stash is gone...tear.
Thank you again FAGE!
An increase in my meal plan
Yes, it's true. My dietician upped my meal plan AGAIN! Ugh. I hate this!! Right now it's not so much the fear of food that gets to me, it's more the volume. I can handle the eating, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed having to eat more at each meal. I just feel like I always have to eat such large amounts. Although, right now I am extremely thankful because for some strange ODD reason I have not been getting full. I'M SERIOUS!! It's like my stomach has morphed into a bottomless pit! So it's very nice not feeling so bloated all of the time.
Next on the agenda
Conquering the fear of nighttime eating
I am very PROUD to announce that for about the past two weeks I have been eating a nighttime snack. I never thought I would ever reach this point again, because for so long I have been fearful about eating at night. I have this wear that if I eat anything substantial past a certain hour that I would spontaneously gain weight overnight. Eh heh heh. Not so.
I remember the first night that I ate my nighttime snack. It was PB Puffins (love) with warmed soymilk. The second I planned my snack, I anxiously worried about it the entire day. When the evening rolled around I was still flitting back and forth about whether I should eat it or not. I was also nervous about having my parents see me eat because I always feel that they get all smug inside whenever they see me eating outside of my normal meal plan. Really stupid. Well, finally I just bit the bullet and thought, "screw it!! Who cares if they see me eat! I know that I need to eat this and I know that it is good for me." Before I could change my mind I promptly marched downstairs, grabbed a spoon, a mug and the milk, made my snack and ate. And you know what? It was good and I enjoyed eating it! And pretty much ever since then I have been eating some kind of snack at night.
But I'm not going to lie and say that it has been easy. Oh no! Far from it! I still find myself getting really nervous about eating my nighttime snack no matter what it might be. Sometimes in the early morning I'll find myself becoming preoccupied about thinking of ways to avoid eating at night and even deciding to just skip it altogether. But usually by the time night rolls around I give myself that one good push and I end up eating it anyway, because I know that it is right for me. But there are days when I still have trouble.
On that note:
If there are any girls out there struggling with eating certain kinds of foods, I just wanted to share some advice. My next post is going to be about a process I call conditioning that has helped me to conquer numerous challenges in my eating disorder. No, it has nothing to do with the body, but it has everything to do with the mind.
Until then, I leave you with these totally adorable pictures of plates that I found at TAR-JAY!!