Sunday, March 22, 2009

The End to a LOOOOONG Week!

Hello!!! Am I still accepted back into blogland? I feel like I have been gone for soooooo long!

Anyways this week (as per usual) has been one KER-RAZY ride!! I'll skip over the boring, monotonous details and just get right down to it!

First of all I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who wished me well on my mid-terms! That was so kind of y'all and I know that a lot of you can relate to the pressure. Let me just tell you that the studying really payed off. I actually learned things!! haha! Now I am semi-sorta fluent in Italian to the point where I can conjugate verbs pretty well and can understand about 75% of the words. I just can't write it....non leggo.

I think.

I also had a Sosh test that I think went pretty well. I probably could have done better on it but at least I survived. Ugh. It was a long day.

Let me tell you it really took a lot of effort and determination to get some of the studying done. Ever since I developed an ED I absolutely HATE studying because it usually involves a lot of sitting. Whenever I try to study I get all nervous and antsy and worried that I'm not moving around exercising. This is just another blaringly obvious point about how controlling an eating disorder can be over someone's life. Funny how before I had my ED I never had a problem with sitting down and studying, although procrastination was still my boyfriend...heehee. But in the end I was able to push myself and get a lot accomplished.


Lookie what finally came!! I was so super excited about receving my shipment!! I practically counted down the days until it arrived!

Aren't they beautiful? Twelves cases of purely decadent FAGE heaven!

I just wanted to say a huge thanks to the FAGE company! They are the most kind and caring people, and really genuinely care about the satisfaction of the customer. Their Authentic Greek FAGE yogurt is so rich and creamy and is free of additives, preservatives and expletives (heeehee). It's worth every last penny too! I seriously don't know how I ever survived all these years without it!

I'm going to be so sad when my stash is gone...tear.

Thank you again FAGE!

Moving on!

An increase in my meal plan

Yes, it's true. My dietician upped my meal plan AGAIN! Ugh. I hate this!! Right now it's not so much the fear of food that gets to me, it's more the volume. I can handle the eating, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed having to eat more at each meal. I just feel like I always have to eat such large amounts. Although, right now I am extremely thankful because for some strange ODD reason I have not been getting full. I'M SERIOUS!! It's like my stomach has morphed into a bottomless pit! So it's very nice not feeling so bloated all of the time.

Next on the agenda

Conquering the fear of nighttime eating

I am very PROUD to announce that for about the past two weeks I have been eating a nighttime snack. I never thought I would ever reach this point again, because for so long I have been fearful about eating at night. I have this wear that if I eat anything substantial past a certain hour that I would spontaneously gain weight overnight. Eh heh heh. Not so.

I remember the first night that I ate my nighttime snack. It was PB Puffins (love) with warmed soymilk. The second I planned my snack, I anxiously worried about it the entire day. When the evening rolled around I was still flitting back and forth about whether I should eat it or not. I was also nervous about having my parents see me eat because I always feel that they get all smug inside whenever they see me eating outside of my normal meal plan. Really stupid. Well, finally I just bit the bullet and thought, "screw it!! Who cares if they see me eat! I know that I need to eat this and I know that it is good for me." Before I could change my mind I promptly marched downstairs, grabbed a spoon, a mug and the milk, made my snack and ate. And you know what? It was good and I enjoyed eating it! And pretty much ever since then I have been eating some kind of snack at night.

But I'm not going to lie and say that it has been easy. Oh no! Far from it! I still find myself getting really nervous about eating my nighttime snack no matter what it might be. Sometimes in the early morning I'll find myself becoming preoccupied about thinking of ways to avoid eating at night and even deciding to just skip it altogether. But usually by the time night rolls around I give myself that one good push and I end up eating it anyway, because I know that it is right for me. But there are days when I still have trouble.

On that note:

If there are any girls out there struggling with eating certain kinds of foods, I just wanted to share some advice. My next post is going to be about a process I call conditioning that has helped me to conquer numerous challenges in my eating disorder. No, it has nothing to do with the body, but it has everything to do with the mind.

Until then, I leave you with these totally adorable pictures of plates that I found at TAR-JAY!!

Yeah, I pretty much NEED that octopus!!
Love and hugs!


Aubrey Nicole Lee March 25, 2009 at 7:53 AM  

Awww, I'm so sorry about your post. Yeah, Blogger sucks sometimes. BUt sweetie, don't stress yourself over it. Just come think of the possibility of making a BETTER post. don't cry over spilled milk, okay? You can do it hon, just be patient. we'll be waiting for your post ;)

XOXO, aubrey ;)

Aubrey Nicole Lee March 25, 2009 at 8:02 AM  

UH-oh. This comment is for your former post. real sorry about the mistake. anyway, we're soo alike with the 'pit like" stomach. Other bloggers who are in ercovery right now also told me that this is just normal in recovery. We can anticipate increased appetite. It's scary, i know. I even made a blog post about it. but if this is how I shud take on in order to be free from this hell, I'll take it. Your so brave to have that fage. congrats ;)

ANd oh, i am assuming that we have the same therapy because you said that it has something to do with the mind, and not the body. are you in cognitive behavior therapy too? hope you don't mind me asking....

anyway, stay brave girl!

Keep it up!

XOXO, Aubrey ;)

dancelikenooneiswatching March 25, 2009 at 8:42 AM  

so glad to see you back!! very proud you have started having a night time snack..yay for recovery:) xxxx

Anonymous March 25, 2009 at 1:23 PM  

Huge congratulations for adding an evening snack! I've done the same thing in the last couple of weeks - it was really nerve wracking to start off with, but worth it because I sleep much better now. Well done on getting through all those exams! Fun fun :P