Thursday, January 15, 2009

Things I Hate About You

1. It stole my life.

2. It ruined my relationships with my family, my closest buddies, and my relatives.

3. It has made me fear at least every type and category of food at one point or another.

4. I cannot shop for myself without constantly and fervently checking and rechecking the nutrition labels on every can, box, and bag that I pluck off of the shelves.

5. My memory has been so fried that sometimes I can't even remember what life was like before my ED or even during--I am just living in the "now" moment.

6. I have lost sight of myself. I feel as if I have to rediscover who I am and who I want to be.

7. My hands are still horribly dry and cracked, and I constantly have to reapply lotion whenever I wash my hands.

8. I have become addicted to exercise to the point where if I don't get at least an hour a day I will severely cut back on my eating. If I am able to exercise I have no problem eating. Ironically, this obsession didn't come up until after I was released from the hospital--it's just another way for my ED to hold on to me.

9. My digestive tract is seriously screwed up. Seriously.

10. It might be distortion, but I'm pretty sure that my body is bigger now (even though I am still a good 15 pounds below my target weight) than it was before when I was at the exact same weight after discharge.

11. I often have trouble socializing in groups because I won't eat the foods that are offered.

12. I have become angry, bitter, unforgiving, and hurtful at times because recovery is very difficult.

13. My college education has been put on hold for a while and my ED has caused me to spend almost 3 years in a 2 year community college--I don't know when or if I'll ever get to transfer to a university to start working on my degree.

14. It ruined my relationship with GOD!!

15. I am afraid to eat anything that I don't approve of.

16. I used to be a very talented, very skilled and very smart student, but now I have problems thinking straight and getting good grades.

17. I am confused all the time about where I want to be.

18. Sometimes I feel like I am purposely holding on to my ED so that I still have a problem, because I am not quite ready to let go of it yet.

19. Consistently meeting with my dietican drained my bank account so severly I was almost broke. AND I still found myself slipping backwards, besides.

20. It has made me thorougly despise my body.

21. I might be infertile.

22. I am afraid to reach my goal weight, or rather the weight at which I will be completely healthy.

23. I still have a long way to go.


aussirish January 17, 2009 at 4:05 AM  

thanks so much for that comment you left me on my blog, it was really sweet :) and i find it nice to know i can relate to somoene on what im going thru.
lov this list, very empowering!
stay strong