A Revelation

This past week has been absolute TORTURE!

Every single day ED has been whispering in my ear, telling me that I am fat. But on Sunday the attack was unbearable. While I was sitting in church I started looking down at my legs and the barrage began.

My thighs are huge.
My legs are bigger than they used to be.
My butt is massive and my body is squishy, flabby and disgusting.
By the time the sermon was over I literally felt sick to my stomach. It was as if I had just emerged from a vicious onslaught and was left battered, brusised and broken. I spent the entire day in a depressed slump, bemoaning the size of my thighs and hating on the body. It was awful.

Finally I decided to get out of the house and go to the rec center to try and ease my depression. While I was in the car I began praying to God...

*WARNING* HUGE MASSIVE REVELATION ALERT!! THIS COULD HELP YOU IN YOUR FIGHT AGAINST YOUR EATING DISORDER!!*

I started out appologizing for my behavior and how I had been so self-absorbed during church. I was so ashamed that I had allowed myself to become so internally focused that I had neglected hearing the sermon today. I mean it was in CHURCH for crying out loud!! My mind should be focused on GOD!! NOT ON MY BODY!! I felt so guilty.

Then I began telling about how awful it was to always be under attack and how I felt so helpless. Suddenly a thought immediately popped into my head.

Now I know there might be sceptics out there, but I can honestly say that this is how God talks to me. He puts thoughts into my head that so unexplainable, so relevant, and so eye-opening that they can only come from Him. That was how He spoke to me when I made the decision to recover last year, and when I made the decision to trust Him FULLY with recovery this year.

This is what my thought was: Why didn't I ask Him for help?

And that was when the lights went on.

Why didn't I ask Him for help? Why wasn't I able to recognize the attack and cry out to Him?

Instead, I had allowed myself to be beaten down by the voice of my ED. No wonder why I felt defeated!!

Show of hands:

How many of you regularly find yourselves under attack by your ED?

Okay.

How many of you honestly find yourself hating your body from time to time?

Hmmm...thought so.

How many of you recognize when you are being attacked?

Last question.

How many of you believe that what ED says is true?

That day I learned a few things:

*to recognize that I was being attacked.

*to begin to resist giving in to self-criticism.

*to remember that I wasn't in this battle alone.

So here is my challenge for you no matter how far you are in your recovery. Whenever you begin to hear the voice of your ED creeping up on your thoughts, digging its nails into your flesh and weighing you down with criticism until your are helpless in its grasp--stop.

Don't give in to the lies. Stop beating yourself up. Stop allowing yourself to be dragged down. And above all
And ask for HELP.
We can't do this on our own girls, especially if our reality of the truth is distorted.