Friday, February 13, 2009

This is Me

First of all I would just like to thank Amy for the amazing inspiration that she provides everyday through her blog, and for helping us to recognize who we really are without our ED's.

Here's my, Who I Am

I am a girl who is not afraid to speak her mind about the matters that are closest to her heart.
I am reserved, smart, caring and sometimes just a little bit zany when I get too excited. But that is okay, because it prevents me from being totally boring.
I am tall. I always have been tall, I always will be tall. It's just who I am. It's kind of apart of my identity.
I am extremely creative and love challenging myself in every aspect possible.
I like random things and childhood games and crazy, seemingly insignificant stuff that no one else seems to care about. Just the sight of a single red balloon floating through the air is enough to make me smile.
A lot of people would mistake me for being a quiet person, but in reality this is not so. I just do a lot of thinking which usually keeps my mind occupied. Or sometimes I just can't think of what to say. But I'm not quiet.
***
I have done and still do a lot of crazy stuff. Sometimes I worry that this is because I really am crazy, but I am starting to believe that this is a lie.
I have a huge imagination that sometimes gets me into trouble, but can still be a great asset. I overanalyze everything and constantly stive to do things differenlty from everyone else. I like to set myself apart from the norm and go beyond the limits.
I would be lying if I told you that I do not like things to be perfect. I am a perfectionist.
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Morals are very important to me and shape my actions.
I don't like to cuss (although sometimes I do when I get mad).
I don't like dirty movies, or raunchy television shows or the explotation of sex.
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't do drugs.
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I am a hopeless romantic but am very careful about dating. I'm just not exactly keen about getting my heart ripped to shreds by some self-absorbed, irresponsible, uncommited male who's only dating me for my looks. So I'm going to save myself the heart-ache by really taking my time in finding the one who is right for me. My future-boyfriend; my future-husband.
***
I live for old musicals and vintage designs and adore Gene Kelly.
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I am also scared about everything. From the unknown to the known to the widely feared, my brain is constantly going about a million miles an hour, fretting over the littlest thing.
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I hate conflict. I wish that people would never fight and there would never be a reason to cry.
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I am very frugal (most of the time) about spending money on myself, but will frequently shell out 5 bucks on an impulse to buy small trinkets for my family.
And sometimes even though I find myself desperately wishing to be separated from my home, I still really love my family.
I love my mom, dad, sister, brother, and even the super-annoying barking dogs.
Any day of the week I would gladly take a bullet for them.
***
I also have a huge heart, for those that are hurting, and alone and unloved. I can even pray for my neighbors who are greatly disliked and for the estranged members of my family.
I always try to find the good in some people. I don't like to put others down.
I believe that God has given me a heart for girls who are struggling with eating disorders and aspire to one day work with them in helping them overcome these challenges. I am not interested in the fame or publicity that could come from this job, but rather just want to tell the world who I am and where I've been and the events that have led me to my current destination.
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I want to love the Lord my God with all my heart and soul and my mind. I want to be the person that He has created me to be and have a relationship with Him that is so solid, so strong, and deep, that nothing can ever tear it down. He has performed some amazing miracles in my life and continues to show me the depth of His love.
I am wonderfully and fearfully made.
There have been no mistakes in my creation.
***
But I think that out of all the things that comprise who I am, this one fact is the most important of all...
I AM NOT MY EATING DISORDER!

3 comments:

Jaime February 13, 2009 at 9:10 PM  

i'm just speechless girl. amazing post- i learned SO much about you! xoxox

Kiki February 14, 2009 at 5:37 AM  

I love who you are. Don't let ED tell you that you need to change!

dancelikenooneiswatching February 14, 2009 at 6:21 AM  

beautiful, insightful, wonderful.
xxxx